Lately my fil has been going downhill rapidly and my husband found a woman to come in to help him and to do some light housekeeping. My Father In Law hasn't been in the hospital followed up by a trip to a rehab facility afterward. My mil had, so she was eligible for Medicare help in the form of someone to help her bathe and dress and light housekeeping right after she got home. She has osteoarthritis in her hip and is too elderly for surgery. She had run off the help they were getting saying they could take care of everything. What she was really saying was that her husband could take care of it all. And he cannot these days, nor can her son, my husband.
So this was working out very well until the Medicare nursing supervisor came with the Medicare home health worker for my mother in law. My poor husband had worked his rear off getting this private pay lady who is good with them and cleans the house and everything was working out so well. We were both relieved to have some help for his parents. What the Medicare nurse said was one of the helpers would have to leave and it would have to be the Medicare aide. I saw red when she told me that. I guess they would love that! Then we would be paying for their nursing care instead of the benefits supposedly provided by Medicare.
I thought my husband and I would have freakin' stroke! My husband called my fil's doc's office and talked to his nurse, who got sort of cranky with Medicare about this and has called them to come out and evaluate my fil.
I went with my husband over there the other night to heat up the meals that Meals on Wheels had brought. My fil has gone downhill so much since I'd seen him I couldn't believe it. I was stunned. While I was fixing the dinners he was walking to the table and he stumbled a little. He told me "I have to be really careful, because if I fall..well it will all be over." His brother in law died after a fall last year. He was 93.
Anyway, on Saturday I went to the doctor about the sinus infection I've had for months and since I didn't have an appointment. I just had to wait. I knew it would be that way, but my husband had no idea it was like that. Anyway, I think the in laws have shared their Alzheimer's with him...or maybe that is me. Darned if I know anymore.
One day this past week my husband bought his father some new pants, because he couldn't find any of his father's clothes in the house. He told me he found some double knit pants from the 60's, I think. Anyway, when he left me at my doc's office he went over and took them some McDonald's pancakes. That was when he noticed his dad had on the old pants and the new ones on over them. Ditto with the shirt situation. He bought him new underwear and shoes last week. I hope they don't disappear, too.
Neither one of the parents can operate the washer/dryer, and it is as slow as Christmas, so who knows. The private pay lady knew how to work the machines.
I'm sure Melli has stories along these lines about her mil. Good Lord, this has turned into the worst mess for everyone and I hope those nit wits, not to put down my good friend NW-1, but I hope they can see that neither one of them have enough sense to do anything. It truly is much worse than I'd even believed it could get.
This afternoon my mil called to wish me a happy birthday. When I told her it was the 24 of last month she was very distressed that she had missed it...then she wanted to know how many others they had missed. She was upset they had forgotten...but when my husband went over to heat up their dinner, he didn't being anything back for me. No big deal.
Today is my son's birthday and he is older than I'd remembered....he actually was glad to hear that! He and my grandson had gone dove hunting over the weekend and they had just gotten home when I called to wish him a Happy Birthday. He opened his card with a check inside and was happy. Later my mil called to get his phone number, but neither of them were able to find a pencil or pen or I think thy didn't know what one looked like or what a pencil or pen did.
I got my husband to bring home the key to their car this weekend, and the Coumadin medication for her and my fil. Somehow her INR keeps going up...that means her blood is too thin and if she fell or got hurt badly she could bleed to death.....I'm sure my fil wouldn't think to call 911. I'm afraid she might just think she forgot to take it and takes it again. My husband puts all their meds in boxes labelled Monday thru Friday AM and PM. All they have to do is empty that morning or evening's pills out and take them. When my husband calls to remind them to take the medicine my fil can't remember from the time he lays down the phone and gets to the pill box.
The home care lady my husband hired has been so nice and she would heat their evening meal before she left and everything was going so well. Until the medicare home health aid came the other day with her Medicare "Nurse Ratchett" who thought we should just have the private pay to help them both. The Medicare aid would help my mother in law to get a bath and get clean clothes, but she did nothing to help my father in law.
Then the Medicare nurse called me, my husband was in between houses trying to do things for them. I was so angry and frustrated I just can't tell you.
I thought my husband and I would have freakin' stroke! My husband called my fil's doc's office and talked to his nurse, who got sort of cranky with Medicare about this and has called them to come out and evaluate my fil sometime this next week. I'm thinking their doctor is remiss in not conducting a competency test on them a long time ago. We may have to get a lawyer and take them to court to get them certified incompetent to be able to put them in assisted living. What a nightmare.
I went with my husband over there the other night to heat up the meals that meals on wheels had brought. My fil has gone downhill so much since I'd seen him I couldn't believe it. I was stunned. While I was fixing the dinners he was walking to the table and he stumbled a little. He told me "I have to be really careful, because if I fall..well it will all be over." His brother in law died after a fall last year. He was 93.
Anyway, on Saturday I went to the doctor about the sinus infection I've had for months and since I didn't have an appt. I just had to wait. I knew it would be that way, but my husband had no idea it was like that. Anyway, I think his parent's have shared some of that Alzheimer's with him...or maybe that is me. Darned if I know anymore.
One day this past week my husband bought his father some new jeans, because he couldn't find any in the house. He told me he found some double knit ones from the 60's I think. Anyway, when he left me at my doc's office he went over and took them some McDonald's pancakes. That was when he noticed his dad had on the old pants and the new ones on over them plus two shirts. I think that is all the double clothing issues, but I'm not sure. Melli has stories along these lines about her mil.
Good Lord this has turned into the worst mess and longest post for everyone and I hope those nit wits from the government, not to put down my good friend NW-1 who has nothing to do with the government and is pretty smart, but I hope the medicare people can see that neither one of them have enough sense to do anything. It truly is much worse than I'd even believed it could get.
This afternoon my mil called to wish me a happy birthday. When I told her it was the 24 of last month she was very distressed that she had missed it...then she wanted to know how many others they had missed. She was upset when I told her my grandson, and mine, but they had sent a card to my son...but when my husband went over to heat up their dinner, he didn't being anything back for me. No big deal. Today is my son's birthday and he is older than I'd remembered....he actually was glad to hear that! He and my grandson had gone dove hunting over the weekend and they had just gotten home when I called him. Later my mil called to get his phone number, but neither of them were able to find a pencil or pen or I think thy didn't know what one looked like or what a pencil or pen did.
Some days are harder than others, and lately we have been getting more than our share of the hard ones. I guess I should be thankful there is enough money to hire someone or if they go into assisted living to pay for that. It wouldn't be good if both of them had to come live with us.
And PJ....this is why we haven't been down to visit with you and John. I'd love to get away for a few days, but I'm not seeing anything real soon. Miss seeing you guys....and NO I cannot take the itty bitty kitteh you have. No No No...and I really mean it.
Oh geez, this is awful. The bureaucracy of Medicare/Medicaid drove me insane while I was still active in pharmacy.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to decipher what will be better with any of the healthcare initiative proposals, especially the elderly. It is all bewilderng.
I hope I'm wrong, but it seems we are going to have less. My half brother (65) got a taste of the VA death counseling with a verdict of 3-6 mo to live. It was pretty scary. He said why didn't they just say they had done all they intended to do for him, but I guess that is not an option with a veteran.
He also had Medicare and a small supplement, so he sought a second opinion at Baylor; they did a relatively common heart procedure. He was home in two days and feels the best he has in a long time. He is furious with VA.
It is the VA end-of life counseling that is being used as a model in some of health care reform proposals.
My father, a devoutly, religious man, had several strokes, turned in to a dirty ole man as a widower, preying on any female, including my sister-in-law. Of course we were upset but medical counseling told us this is common in male dementia. That DOM syndrome drove off any private health care we hired.
Finally we had to put him in a nursing home, against his loud protestations. It was a horrible experience which of course left all the siblings with mixed feelings of guilt, revulsion, failure and exasperation, even after his death.
You both have my empathy and prayers as you struggle to find a solution.
And this is WHY so many end up living under their children's roof! Actually... we have been very fortunate that Medicare has paid for whatever we have had need of... but Mom also has BC/BS. So I don't know which pays first - but the other covers whatever the first doesn't cover. But this "letting" the incompetent have a say that is driving me nuts. WHY is you mother able to send care away? She should NOT be able to do that! The help should be told WHO is paying and that they are NOT able to make these decisions and that is WHY help is needed! This drove me crazy with Vada the last time she kept Mom. She would ASK her if she WANTED to take a shower! NO! That is NOT an option! She NEEDS to take a shower! Period! Mom ALWAYS says no if you ASK her. If she had her choice she would never take a shower again in her life! And this is why I don't have anyone helping me anymore! She NEEDS to be taken care of, and no one else will DO it! So I DO it myself! When I give Mom her pills, I have to remind her 3 times to get them all in her. Morning and night! She takes a couple, then FORGETS that they are in her hand. I have to urge her on to get them all in. As for clothes? We have took her bra away when it ended up overtop her clothes more often than underneath -- and half the time if it was underneath it was on backwards. ONCE it was on as panties - with her legs through the arms... OY! I am still debating whether I should take her panties away or just start dressing her in the morning. As it is we only give her ONE set of clothes in her closet -- all of her clothes are "kept" in my closet. I put ONE shirt, and ONE pair of pants in there each afternoon for the next day. I put ONE pair of panties in her drawer -- thus she is always down to her last pair - she thinks! (but only for a minute) Every night she asks Dennis if she's "stayin' here" tonight. Every night he tells her YEP! Every night she asks him "do I have clothes hear?" Every night he tells her YEP! Then he explains to her that she lives here - that she's been living here... and she says "I don't remember that...". EVERY NIGHT! The other day she and I were getting out of the car somewhere and she said "well! where's my pocketbook? I know I brought it." She has not carried a pocketbook in almost 2 years! I just told her "no... you didn't bring it this time." "Okay" she says! 90% of the time she just accepts whatever we say. It's that other 10% that gets hairy. Amanda asked me the other day WHY she still has a basket of socks in her room. There are a couple of reasons. One is that which socks to wear is about the ONLY decision she really gets to make for herself anymore. And if she wants to wear 4 on one foot and 5 on the other, that's fine! I am NOT makin' issues out of socks! The other reason, is that she folds and unfolds and puts those socks away, and takes them out, and moves them around from drawer to drawer... and it gives her something to DO! They are her toys! She LOVES her socks!
ReplyDeleteI'm so GLAD you had hubby bring their CAR keys home! Good grief! I can't believe they still had them! Have they BEEN driving?
AS... I soooo feel for you. I pray for you. And I HOPE you come up with a real true viable solution soon! How much extra would it cost to have the nurse that was taking care of your FIL take care of MIL too? Would it be DOUBLE? Or just extra? Maybe it's worth it to tell Medicare to take a hike until they DO end up in a nursing home...??? I dunno... I haven't had to wrestle with THEM yet!
I'm so sorry that your lap is full. Been there. You know Hubby is older than me, so his Dad was in his 90's and I tried like anything to care for him. I finally reached my wits end and then Hubby's dad didn't even know who Hubby was anymore. Oh man, it was so sad.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
You all have been so understanding and helpful.
ReplyDeleteAnd Melli...my goodness I'm sorry, but I nearly fell off the sofa laughing about your mil's dressing stories. NW-1, thank you, too.
And Maribeth my grandmother got like your father in law. It is heartbreaking.