Judas Asparagus

If you need a laugh today, then this should do it!

A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???

Through the eyes of a child:

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

Ruby Tuesday

Mary, the teach hosts Ruby Tuesday. Stop by and leave your name on Mr. Linky and play along with us.

We are supposed to have ice again tomorrow, so I may have more icy red leaves to show for Ruby Tuesday. It has been a long time since I've remembered to post a picture of something red on the right day!

Had to come back and make the correction to the red icy leaves...that isn't correct...it is icy red leaves. It was late when I was posting this one..k

The New Year of the Ox-Gung Hei Fat Choy

Gung Hei Fat Choy

Happy Chinese New Year, today begins the year of the Ox. I'm hoping this year will be better than last year, the year of the Rat, but the Rat is most compatible with the Monkey, the year I was born. So, not that much better probably. I can't imagine how bad it would have been if it had been a sign that didn't get along with the Monkey. Yikes! It is supposed to be a good year and very productive by hard working people. I guess sort of like when President Obama said it is time for us to get up, dust ourselves off, and get to work. President Obama was born during the year of the Ox.

Here is what to people born under the sign of the Ox are like

"In the Chinese zodiac, people who are born in the Year of the Ox are considered as calm and dependable as their animal symbol. Not only are they modest but they are able to bear nearly any amount of hardship without complaint. Logical and systematic to the point of having little imagination, an ox person with their mind made up is rarely dissuaded from their decision. Because of their honesty and patience, these people are always welcome and typically have many friends who appreciate their quiet but relaxed sociability." Not being Chinese I got my information from this site is http://www.hillmanweb.com/newyear/

Famous people born under in Ox years

Barak Obama, Johann Sebastian Bach, Shirley Bassey, Kate Beckinsale, Napoleon Bonaparte, Charlie Chaplin, George Clooney, Bill Cosby, Oscar De La Hoya, Walt Disney, Moctesuma Esparza, Jane Fonda, Clark Gable, Jorge Garcia, Nomar Garciaparra, Richard Gere, Whoopi Goldberg, George Frideric Handel, Adolph Hitler, Dustin Hoffman, Anthony Hopkins, Rock Hudson, Saddam Hussien, Keira Knightley, Kate Moss, Eddie Murphy, Paul Newman, Jack Nicholson, Richard Nixon, Princess Diana, Robert Redford, Meg Ryan, Peter Sellers, Bruce Springsteen, Meryl Streep, Margaret Thatcher, Vincent Van Gogh.Sigourney Weaver, Anton Dvorak

Saying farewell to a friend

Yesterday we attended a memorial service for our friend who died just before Christmas today. She was ever thoughtful and I think postponed the get together so her death wouldn't be associated with the holidays. Her nieces invited everyone to come to Reata, a restaurant downtown. Her doctor talked about her courage in her battle with cancer and read a poem he had written about her fight. Others spoke of how we remembered her and they were wonderful stories. The nieces arranged for a buffet and drinks. Barbara would have loved it! We were in the geodesic dome on top of the building which is made of glass so she could look down on us and see how much she was loved. I will miss her, but am so glad we were friends.

Greenhouse update

Greenhouse update

Having the greenhouse this year has been a lot of fun. It has been a very warm winter and we have had to stay on top of keeping the door open so the heat doesn't become too overwhelming for the little plants. I'll be starting some seedlings soon, but need to find some seeds first. This is the only time of year a gardener gets to really rest a bit. But the weather has been so warm this week....in advance of the huge cold front coming tonight, that I've had cabin fever and longing to get out and start planting. We did plant some garlic that had sprouted yesterday. Also with the economy like it is, we may need to grow actual food in it.

Spring will be here soon enough and with it a lot of great storms. We are in a drought right now and I'm getting ready to get the rain stick out and do a dance. My rain stick is much larger and way way cooler than this guy's but here is a You tube so you know what I'm talking about. Does the guy in the you tube look sort of weird. I think so. Anyway, I bought my rain stick in New Mexico or Colorado one year when we went to Mesa Verde. It has a very pleasant sound and I do think it maybe calls the rain. At least it sounds like rain for a few seconds or as long as I turn it back and forth. Rain is one of my favorite things. I grew up during a 7 year drought, so I love it.