Monday, August 10, 2009

Random Thoughts about Old Movies, Old Music and Elderly Parents

Hot diggety dog! Tonight while watching tv with my poor husband who had a terrible day stressing over his parents' plight I was able to get all the references right to who had been on which show in the past. For me this is a significant thing. Maybe I don't really have Alzheimer's all the time! It started with an old episode of Boston Legal, one of the best shows ever, and the new female lawyer had played on "Good Morning, Miami" a good while back. Also, for a few weeks I'd been telling hubby the guy on "Royal Pains" had played on "Good Morning, Miami", too. And for the bonus he was in the movie "Defiance"! His name is almost legion..but it really is just Mark Feuerstein. We, hubby, me, and the kids, love doing that with characters in shows and movies, but sometimes the memory neurons aren't firing all at once to remember everything...durnit. Then it is finger snapping and saying "Its its....oh heck I don't know!" He knows a lot of actors and I'm just stunned when he knows and is RIGHT! Our youngest is right almost everytime.

Just now I "got" him with an oldish movie "Something to Talk About", in which Julia Roberts, Kyra Sedgwick, Robert Duvall and Gena Rowlands, and Dennis Quaid played. Dennis Quaid looks so much like my son it is eerie. Kyra Sedgwick, who is married to Kevin Bacon irl, played Julia Roberts younger sister. Dang! I'm hot tonight. Speaking of Julia Roberts her ex husband, Lyle Lovett is on the Tonight Show singing, "Choke My Chicken" from his new cd "Lyle Lovett and his Large Band". I'm pretty sure there are some parents out there turning off the tv, even if the lyrics aren't bad and the music is good. I might have to buy that, but I got a great deal on a set of remastered cds of The Glenn Miller Orchestra . Really, go to that website and listen for just a will take you back. I wasn't born before he died, but I enjoy the music a good bit, so far. There are 5 discs and I'm still on number 1. I bought a Santana cd the same day and haven't listened to all that one either....however, I've been pretty croupy and whiny lately.

It was not a good day for him with his folks, so I stayed home from knitting group to cook him one of his favorite dinners. He needed some kindness, until I got vicious with the tv game, bless his heart. I told him tonight he must get someone to come in to help them during the day. If they will not budge on the assisted living, then that is how it has to be. Otherwise we will taking food over there three times a day. We did go to the grocery store and bought them foods that do not require much thought about preperation and can be eaten as they grapes and some other sweet things I know she loves. We got real food, too, but neither of them remember how to cook or heat things up in the microwave. It makes me so sad to see them like this. Hubby did get to talk with someone at Meals On Wheels to have them bring a hot meal once a day. We can help them, but not everyday all day. We can't leave to go on vacation or much of anything, because "what if something happens to them". Oh well, onward and upward and we will see how it goes. Their doctor, the social workers, and home health aides all say they need to be in assisted living, but nobody can convince them to go and the really drag part is they only have to say they don't want to be there and they can leave. Oh mercy me....I hope I go before I get into this kind of shape, but I don't think I'll have to worry after smoking for about 40 years. But I need to get all I want to do done before I have to go.


  1. Whenever I forget anything now I use Google to look it up. Works fast.
    Sorry your in-laws are giving you such a tough time. My Dad fought it too. It wasn't until he was near the end and in such great pain that he accepted care and by then it was hospice care.
    Now my Mom is making my sister's life difficult.

  2. Thanks, does get so difficult when you know how nice the facilities are. They are not like nursing homes in the past. The assisted living units have a small kitchen, living room, and bedroom w/ bath. If only...

  3. You know... it sounds to me like it's time for some functional living and memory tests for his parents. If they can be declared mentally incompetant then they will NOT have the choice... I'm surprised - REALLY surprised that their doctor has not suggested this. Mom's doctor's made us do it -- and SOMEBODY needs to have power of attorney to take care of their finances and make medical decisions for them! If they are not capable of looking out for their OWN best interest, it's TIME.

    I would be sO lousy at your celebrity game! I only recognized a few of the names you mentioned...

  4. Melli,
    I agree with you that it is past time for them to be in assisted living. We have consulted with social workers and their doctor. The only real advice is to go to court and have them declared incompetent, but that would cause hard feelings all around. It scares the heck out of me to think of what might be going on over there with the rxs and all. Hubby goes over once a week and fills up one of those weeklong rx boxes for am and pm for each of them, and he calls them to tell them what day it is and which pills they need to be taking. Life is not good right now. When he told them he couldn't keep coming every day two or three times a day, his mother told him to not come. She told him they could take care of themselves. He didn't go for a week this month and omg it was such a mess to try to sort out.

    It is ok that you wouldn't do well at our little game of spot the celebrity. Sometimes I'm good at it and sometimes he is. It is just fun for us. There isn't a lot these days.

  5. My siblings and I can empathize with your husband. My brother bore the brunt of decision-making since he was designated medical power of attorney. Fortunately, court did not have to be involved, but brother was emotionally drained and there was great strain on his marriage. His wife was incredibly long-suffering, to the point they lived with Dad about 6 years, until Dad's physician told them they had to get on with their own lives.

    Since I live in a retirement community where younger family members live elsewhere, the intercession of state is frequent, often initiated in desperation by church personnel or neighbors. It does require a court appearance. It is a frequent event here.

    I and two friends organized a volunteer group called TeleCare; we called persons living alone daily 365/year. Each client has a contact person, usually a friend or neighbor. Sadly, I have had to tell the friend or neighbor on two or more occasions how to initiate this procedure.