Saturday, August 29, 2009

Things My Mother Taught Me


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I've just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA...
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE..
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

The scary part of all this is that my mother really did say most of these things and then one day I found I was saying them to my kids. Now I know why my girls had no children. I think it was number 25 that did it to them.

One of my friends told me ages ago that sweaters and coats are items of clothing that children put on when their mother gets cold.

Now as a grandmother I get to have fun with my grandson and teach him how to cross his eyes and other things. My daughter in law gets the job of passing on the "If you keep crossing your eyes they will stick that way!" Thereby carrying on the mother tradition, and I'm sure they had some to add to the list in Georgia where she grew up.


  1. MY mother's favorite's were 4, 6, & 25! My FATHER said all the other ones! I have to admit I used several of them myself - but probably #25 the most! :)

  2. Lucky you. I'm pretty sure mine said all of them at least once...they sure rang a bell.

  3. Yep my mother said all of those things OVER & OVER & OVER!!!

    My mother also taught me charity. "Clean you plate, think of all the starving children in China."

    Never figured how my clean plate helped the starving Chinese kids! Guess I did not THINK hard enough....